To suffer from health anxiety, is to have an entirely unhealthy amount of worry about your personal health, to the point that it can (and probably will) make you physically ill — yes, the irony of the condition is not lost on me.Read More
Usually one lap, sometimes two. Maybe even three. One mile, two miles, three miles...twelve. It all depended on how I felt. There was never a set distance. No complex route. I wasn't trying to beat an arbitrary time, nor was I training for any sort of challenge or race. It was all for me.
I simply ran until I felt ready to face the world.Read More
Every single snap involved the exact same pose. Each one was almost indistinguishable from another, with only subtle variations: a pout, a peace sign, an amorous tilt of the head, sometimes a wink, a pokey out tongue. What was for certain, was that Faith had put hours of work into this. It was apparent to me, and everybody else in the queue, that she was a master of her craft, and her chosen craft was: "looking good on Instagram".Read More
My lengthy — yet sizeable — legs carried me forwards with ease. There was no risk of me ejecting any fuel. My stomach is ironclad. Forged deep within the valleys to withhold mass quantities of food. In the same way a camel's hump holds water, all of my additional sustenance is held deep within my legs and arse. An additional reserve of carbs, should I need the extra oomph.Read More
The powerful black metal had proven to be too severe for our traditionally emotional souls. It made us both feel a bit...weird. The sort of weird where you've listened to someone screeching about raping, satanism and murder for a little bit too long. That very unique and often unspoken sort of weird, that to be fair, is rarely an issue.Read More
Beads of sweat started to roll down my forehead, so I opened the window full crank to get a gasp of fresh air; anything that'd take my mind away from my predicament. Who was this creepy munchkin? Why was she waving at me? How can a human have the eyes of a shark? All of these thoughts (and more) swashed about in my skull like an irrational soup, while I had to resort to pinching the end of my foreskin to create a watertight seal like you would when blowing up a party balloon.Read More
Looking back throughout my life, I realise that I’ve always had a tendency to be a little anxious. A bit highly strung. Maybe too tightly wound. While most kids were playing Nintendo, building dens or kicking a football around, I was worrying about something.Read More
Recently, I set myself a challenge:
Spend 30 minutes writing a daily blog, and then post the typed words on this here page (which I aptly titled The Daily Blog).
I started well; with all of the vigour and enthusiasm that one experiences, when undertaking something new and exciting, but alas . . .
I failed.Read More
I'm tired as hell. Time for an early night. I'm going to get under the covers, lie down in bed, and get comfortable. Just close your eyes. Allow yourself to be taken towards slumber. Relax . . .
HEY, SUP BRO? WHILE YOU'RE LYING COMFORTABLY THERE, I JUST WANT TO REMIND YOU ABOUT EVERY BAD DECISION YOU'VE EVER MADE, AND POINT OUT A NUMBER OF THINGS THAT ARE CURRENTLY GOING WRONG IN YOUR LIFE, BUT OFFER NOTHING IN THE WAY OF A LOGICAL SOLUTION.
P.S. YOU'RE A PIECE O' SHIT.
Fucking Brain and it's thoughts!
It's pissing down outside and I've spent the vast majority of the day shredding old bank statements with my new shredder — I ordered it from Argos last night and it was with me by this morning (Amazon, step up).
(You know you're entering into your 30s when you're impressed with both the speedy delivery of your new shredder, and the fact that you've purchased your own paper shredder.)
There's something quite cathartic about giving your cupboards a de-shitting from time to time. I tend to go through elongated periods of hoarding, interspersed with sporadic, frantic, episodes of decluttering — often including the sale of basically everything I own.
I've managed to fill three whole bin bags full of statements ranging as far back as 2005; including every single paper payslip I've ever received.
The cleansing is almost complete.
(Re-hoarding will commence shortly. As is tradition.)